Emily Perry Studios

worthiness, nonviolence & lovingkindness

this week, brené over at ordinary courage is hosting a week of worthiness to celebrate the release of her new DVD.  she really got me thinking about the idea of worth, and how it impacts our lives.  and while there is much to be said about self-worth in terms of self-care [am i worth spending the money on? am i worth the time?], there is also an aspect of worth that ties into our daily internal dialogue.

in buddhism and yoga, non-violence is referred to as ahimsa.  ahimsa refers not only to physical violence, but mental and emotional violence as well. when we doubt ourselves, when our internal tapes repeat messages about our unworthiness, this is a form of violence towards the self.  when we say to ourselves "i will be worth it when..." , this is in fact an act against the self as we are right now.  it is great to have goals and visions of who we want to be and become, but we don't need to pay the price now by beating ourselves up.  because, as we all know, when we do get to the "destination", often that is never enough either, and we are left striving for a state a being that is beyond reach.  we deserve to find happiness now, right in this moment.  we don't need to achieve anything to get there. 

part of our practice, as humans and creatives, is to shut this cycle down.  when you come up against internal resistance and messaging about self-worth, ask yourself, "am i practicing ahimsa?"  am i practicing loving-kindness (metta) towards myself?  a peaceful life and world starts with our internal world.  if we are not at peace, our world cannot be at peace.  if we cannot be kind to ourselves, and love ourselves fully as we are in this moment, then how can we practice authentic kindness and  love with another?

so as you can see, for me, this idea of worth comes back to a sense of loving-kindness (or metta) and non-violence towards the self.  how are you going to celebrate this week of worthiness?

surrender

ah, february.  how you rock my world.  it seems every year, this is the month for me that is the challenge.  it's cold, raining all the time.  there are sicknesses about, and usually some objects in my life need fixing. last year it was both cars; this year, it is the dryer, phone line, and the persistent ant invasions due to all the rain.  you might imagine the extent of my crabbiness: when the kids are sick, and i have all of this going on, at a certain point i just have to give up.

 
so yesterday, that is what i did.  i gave up the mere thought of my to do list.  i dropped my expectation that my daughter could actually clean up after herself.  i waited for my husband to get home, and then ate chocolate & watched project runway.  what has asked you to surrender lately?  leave your comment below- i would love to hear!

i can feel spring creeping in

where i live, i can feel spring creeping in.  skunks are about, looking for love.  there are little bunnies everywhere.  the california poppies are in flower now.  and another sure sign: i am feeling like i am ready for a spring cleanse.  now, i'm not talking anything radical, but i am going to start planning for a week of super-clean eating and yoga.  it will be fun.

and it looks like we are going to be moving to another house in a few weeks, which will be exciting!  it is also a beach house, but it is not as remote, and i won't have to drive so much.  but oh, how i will miss our owls and hot tub.  and of course, the move is during the same time that i need to be doing all my planning for changes to this website, my e-course, etc. etc. don't you love how everything falls into place at the same time?

if you live up here in the northern hemisphere, what are your plans for spring?  any changes coming your way?

::love list::

{rose macaroons, Paulette, San Francisco} 

in honor of the chinese new year, and valentine's day (which are both today), i thought i would make a list of what i am loving today!

*my usual: chai tea with honey and soy milk

*our new Bell Sonnette wine (thank you Ellis!)

*my new issue of Artful Blogging with some many of my favorite people featured: Sheri & Shari, Mindy and the Wishstudio, Mati, and some people i don't really know but read daily, like Tracy and Abby

*finishing my 30 day yoga sadhana (practice) with Marianne, but realizing that a daily yoga practice is here to stay for me

*kisses from my kids!

*fun family time!

::

what are you loving today?

30 day sadhana:: day 11

{outside Cafe Gratitude, San Francisco, 2010}

Today is day 11 of the 30 Days of Yoga practice, a yoga sadhana organized by Marianne over at Zen and the Art of Peacekeeping.  There is something about doing yoga everyday that has really changed my approach to yoga.  it was clear right away that what i thought i needed out of this thirty days- and what i truly needed- were two different things.  this yoga practice has taught me to pay attention differently, to listen.

but it has also allowed me to meet my resistance in interesting ways.  

 

by meeting the resistance, i can breath into it, soften it.  i can discover why the resistance is there, dissolve into it, and discover all sorts of joy lurking, just waiting to be uncovered.

join in, or follow us over at twitter (#30dayyoga)

::namaste::

 

::on haiti::

like everyone, we are totally shocked about the quake in haiti, and are concerned about the situation on the ground there.  as someone that has lived in earthquake country since i was born, earthquake relief is a tender spot for me.  we have had big quakes here before, but nothing like the devastation haiti is facing:: the situation was pretty desperate before, and now it is a total disaster.

instead of reinventing the wheel, here are some great posts about how we can help:

the huffington post

six ways to help haiti

a week of firsts

 

1. my first time being away from my kids for a good little stretch of time:: my holiday gift, of sorts...
2. my first tentative drawings: one of the things i want to get comfortable with this year is drawing::
3. my first shots with my "new" Polaroid SX-70, and my Polaroid Land Camera 320::
4. shooting prime with my digital camera...  
    
5. finally getting my background effects i want for my painting...    
    
6. really nailing down my vision for my work, and how i want the finished "product" to look and feel
7. went to Body Pump for the first time... enough said.
8. spent extended periods in the studio and on the yoga mat uninterrupted...  
    

so while i am totally missing the family right now, this week has been quite the experience.  up next:: a photo journey to San Francisco!

calm before the storm

there is a storm on the way, and so i sit and write this by the fire, hoping i get to post this before we loose power, or before the kids find their way to my bed, or before i have to tend to the fire in the wood stove.  there is a sense of calm here, but i know soon the storm of the holidays will land, and that there will be parties and holiday events at school; that i will have no time to just sit and enjoy the calm.  so i will do that now.

a couple of fun things to check out:: 

the challenge going on over at Gwen Bell's site

the Mondo Beyondo ritual to close out the year with Andrea over at Superhero Journal 

::have a great weekend...

back to roost

somehow the week got away from me, but i finally made it to post.  i have recovered from halloween, but now our family is attempting to adjust to the time change, without too much success.  i am officially sleep-deprived.  

perhaps you may have seen that I now a sponsor over at wishstudio:: go check out their lovely site if you haven't already! 

roosting vultures, Salt Point, 2008

i found this old shot i took of vultures together early in the morning, and it got me to thinking about the whole idea of roosting. much has been written through the ages about the concept of coming home, finding home, looking for home, so i won't write about that today, but instead i wanted to talk about the idea of coming home to ourselves.  and by that i mean, really coming into our bodies and being present in them.  

physical embodiment is sorely lacking in our culture:: our society pushes us to live most of our lives in our head, not connected to our bodies.  so much sensory input can lead us to shutting down.  we do and take so many things that keep us from feeling our body signals, our hormonal signals, our instincts and internal voices.  as a result we are disconnected from the core of ourselves.

this is one of the true gifts of yoga and meditation:: it can teach us how to reconnect with the body in a visceral way.  they take us on a journey to our interior- and by reconnecting us with our breath- they allows us to re-engage.  

so let's take that deep breath right now, release the stress and tension.  follow your natural breathing for a while.  get to know it: where does your breath land in your lungs?  where are you tight and constricted?  is your belly involved, or just your chest?

perhaps, like me, you might notice how just sitting with your breath brings you back home to yourself, back home to roost.

:::

give away your distractions

We don't experience the world fully unless we are willing to give everything away.  Samaya means not holding anything back, not preparing our escape route, not looking for alternatives, not thinking that there is ample time to do things later. -Pema Chodron, from When Things Fall Apart

So lets give away our distractions

Climb down from our wheels

And be in the world.